To a fault, I have generally tried very hard to package life into a simple set of easily-referenced rules. You know how the Red Cross has the A,B,Cs? This stands for Airway, Breathing, Circulation. The idea is that if you come across an unconscious person, you will probably panic, so you need a simple mnemonic to remember what to do in order to care for the person.
I don't know about you guys, but in this life I often feel panicked, and like I'm about to go unconscious myself. I look around at the (white middle-class Pacific Northwest U.S.A.) culture I've been raised in and I think, THIS PLACE DOES NOT SUPPORT LIFE! In order to keep a healthy body, have a shame-free self-concept, raise happy kids, and have good relationships you have to push pretty hard AGAINST the culture. I find myself always struggling to keep my head above water in those areas. So, in a world where its often hard to respect your elders, I've been trying to capture wisdom wherever I can find it, and organize it in a way that makes sense to me, to be used swiftly in times of crisis.
~without further ado~
RULE NUMBER ONE: DON'T HATE YOURSELF
For now, I've decided this is the first and most important Rule for Life. This rule could be restated a number of different, more positive ways:
Love yourself
Like yourself
You deserve the best
You are worthy
You are enough
I learned this rule from my friend Nathan. He says, "Don't go around thinking you are bad news." The point is: Whatever your beliefs, you will never be able to truly determine if you are actually good or actually bad. These determinations are all relative, contextual, and fickle as puppy love. Instead of succumbing to the judgments of your parents, your religion, the media, the dominant culture, your subculture, your friends, institutions--consider not judging yourself at all. Instead of putting yourself on trial for every mistake, consider giving yourself the benefit of the doubt. You are good. You are a natural organism that responds to stimuli in a logical way. Mistakes are there to be learned from, but they do not say anything decisive about your true nature.
I think this is the most important rule because of the enormous limitations that self-hate puts on one's freedom. It can be a very small cage. When you choose to pit your brain against your heart, you are going to lose no matter which part wins! You become a parasite to yourself! You are in a stalemate! You cannot move!
So if possible, love yourself. But most importantly-- DON'T HATE YOURSELF.
